One day I was posting and I realized what I was doing. I started crying and asking myself how I could have let it get that bad. I am not the type of person who does things to decieve and hurt others on purpose. It is totally against my nature. I prayed and asked God what I should do and to help me. He answered right away! I deleted my old blog but still felt as if I should do something further. My A.A. sponsor and friend suggested that I make a new blog and dedicate it to those who followed my old blog and to God. So... here I am! I hope that one of my previous followers will see this blog because I want to tell them that I am sorry. You are a precious child of God and I betrayed you. I encouraged you to destroy the temple God gave you. I dishonored God by hurting His children, including myself. My amends to you is to continue with this blog and no longer encourage others to destroy themselves. I will also try my hardest to not act in eating disorder behaviors. It's not easy but I know that I can do it. Tuesday, June 7, 2011
My Amends to You
I created this blog as an amends to God, myself and past followers I had on an old blog. I relapsed in an eating disorder that I've struggled with for 10 years now. I created a blog back in Janurary to promote and encourage people and myslef in their eating disorders. They are known as proana blogs. Sick, I know... I wasn't thinking about the damage I was doing to other people when I created it and posted pictures, videos, tips and tricks. I was only thinking about myself and how I could "get ahead". I had a bunch of followers and thought that I was "making friends" and we shared a common bond. I didn't realize how I was contributing to their disease and helping them kill themselves.
One day I was posting and I realized what I was doing. I started crying and asking myself how I could have let it get that bad. I am not the type of person who does things to decieve and hurt others on purpose. It is totally against my nature. I prayed and asked God what I should do and to help me. He answered right away! I deleted my old blog but still felt as if I should do something further. My A.A. sponsor and friend suggested that I make a new blog and dedicate it to those who followed my old blog and to God. So... here I am! I hope that one of my previous followers will see this blog because I want to tell them that I am sorry. You are a precious child of God and I betrayed you. I encouraged you to destroy the temple God gave you. I dishonored God by hurting His children, including myself. My amends to you is to continue with this blog and no longer encourage others to destroy themselves. I will also try my hardest to not act in eating disorder behaviors. It's not easy but I know that I can do it.
One day I was posting and I realized what I was doing. I started crying and asking myself how I could have let it get that bad. I am not the type of person who does things to decieve and hurt others on purpose. It is totally against my nature. I prayed and asked God what I should do and to help me. He answered right away! I deleted my old blog but still felt as if I should do something further. My A.A. sponsor and friend suggested that I make a new blog and dedicate it to those who followed my old blog and to God. So... here I am! I hope that one of my previous followers will see this blog because I want to tell them that I am sorry. You are a precious child of God and I betrayed you. I encouraged you to destroy the temple God gave you. I dishonored God by hurting His children, including myself. My amends to you is to continue with this blog and no longer encourage others to destroy themselves. I will also try my hardest to not act in eating disorder behaviors. It's not easy but I know that I can do it. 
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Ughhh, I know the feeling of leading others wayward. You're so right when you say that you 'think' you are making friends, but it's all shallow and based on competition. Good for you for starting this! Hugs!
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