I was supposed to wake up early this morning (4am) to go to the KSBJ radio station to volunteer. Well when my eyes opened it was 6:00! I was freaking out! I rushed out of the house and sped away in my car. I called the station to see if it was too late for me to help. With tears streaming down my cheeks I listened as I got my answer. Yes, it was too late. I was broken all morning! One of the DJ's and I sometimes e-mail back and forth and I e-mailed her yesterday about some things I'm going through, asking for prayer. Well to top everything off she read my e-mail on the air and said this broken young girl is here now answering phones because our ministry has impacted her life and she feels lead to give back. So call and you might get a chance to talk to her! (something along those lines) I started balling like a baby and yelled at the top of my lungs, "I'm not there! I'm letting everyone down!" Then I started getting really mad at God because I asked Him to wake me up at 4 when my alarm clock goes off. He didn't. I must not have childlike faith.
Who was I really letting down? KSBJ has plenty of volunteers every year so my absense won't make much of a difference. God knows my intentions so I know I didn't let Him down (in this matter). The only person I let down was myself. It feels so much worse letting yourself down compared to let others down, in my opinion. We are our worse critics so we beat ourselves up the hardest. That is especially true with me. I really need to let go and let God! Which is what I've done this morning. Thanks to a few certain people. Plus, I signed up for two days of volunteering at KSBJ! I have another shot Friday and it doesn't start until 10 am.
On another note: I only ate one meal yesterday. I wasn't home and for some reason I was afraid of asking my friend if I could rummage through her fridge when I got hungry. She started to make dinner so I planned on eating with them but I had to leave before it was over. Finally, I ate at like 7:00 p.m. I had a sandwhich and soup from Quiznos. And today is gonna be a lot like yesterday because I didn't have the money to go grocery shopping this month so I don't have any food in my apartment. I do have peanuts, so I've been munching on them. Oh wait! I just remembered that I have mac & cheese! I'm gonna go eat! <3 yay! I'm starving so this makes me happy! (really weird that I'm excited to go eat...)
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